I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
