you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
