we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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