My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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