I didn't shave. On purpose
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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