Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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