If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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