I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
