what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
there is glitter all over my balls
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
