Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
