At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
