What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
