So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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