I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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