mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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