why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
