I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
