Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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