Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
