I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize