I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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