Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
