You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
