You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
