You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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