I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
its not stalking. its research.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
