You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i've created a new STD.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
