I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
