Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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