I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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