i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
