Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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