Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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