Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
