I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
