Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
