he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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