that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want to make out with him forever
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
