I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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