went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm always down for nudity.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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