Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize