So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
