the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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