i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize