I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
