I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize