my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
