I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
