Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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