Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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