Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
