I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize