she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
