Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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