My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
