i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
