I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
