A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
