Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
