he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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